As I said in my first post, I started putting on weight at the age of 6. By the time I reached middle school I was probably close to 200 lbs! I was bullied, severely!! Up to that point I knew I was heavier then most kids, but I didn't realize how much heavier I was. I was short and round. Apparently very "ball-like" cause I was called, "Ashley the Bouncing Ball", as a group of my fellow classmates shoved me down the stairs to "see if I would bounce"!! This took place almost every morning of my 6th grade year of school.
I would go home and cry to my mom, who was a registered dietian, people!! She helped people get skinny for a living, seriously!?!? However, she couldn't break through my walls of addiction. As high school approached, thankfully we moved, I began to attend school with a lot of my friends from church. So I was, once again, comfortable with my weight and size. I knew I was bigger them by this point, but they didn't seem to care. And I truly believe they didn't!! What a blessing and a curse!!
It wasn't until 2002 that I was presented with my first true physical limitations due to my weight. God had called me into the Mission Field. I was to go to China for one year. Sounded easy enough, right? WRONG!!!
At this point, I was 22 years old, 298 lbs and size 26/28!! HELLO FATTY!!!! Did I mention, I'm only 5'3"!?!? Yep!! So there I was, ALL off me, living in a culture with no A/C, no elevators, they usually walked or rode bikes everywhere they went. Again, SERIOUSLY?!?! What was God thinking!?!? I lived on the 6th floor, worked on the 16th floor. The closest bus stop was at least a mile, I walked there! If I rode my bike to work, it was 8 miles ONE WAY!!! Yep, it was rough, REALLY rough.
I'm sure you're thinking, "The ponds have got to be shedding off with all that exercising, right!?!?". WRONG!!
I'm sure you're thinking, "The ponds have got to be shedding off with all that exercising, right!?!?". WRONG!!
Asians LOVES their "Western Amenities"! There were McDonalds, Pizza Huts and KFC's!! A fat chick's dream!!! The MickyD's down the street from my work became my daily staple. I also managed to find M&M's at the local grocery store, among other "comfort foods". I did somehow loose about 30 lbs within those 6 months.
In June 2002, my mom came for a 2 week visit!! What a glorious time!!! However, at one point she made a comment about how she would have expected me to have lost a lot more weight being over in China for 6 month! OUCH!!!!!!!! (Quick side note: mom and I have always been very candid and honest with each other. So this wasn't THAT shocking. But still a low blow.)
As much as that statement stung, it was the thing I needed to hear!!! So once mom left, I knew I had from mid June to December to really make something happen. So I went to work!!
Unfortunately, went about the wrong way. I quickly developed a eating disorder, becoming anorexia. I would eat maybe once a week or very little if I was around the other missionaries. I began riding my bike excessively! I was loving the attention, the POSITIVE attention I was now getting!!
When the time came to return home, I was so excited for my family and friend to see the new me, especially mom!! When I walked off the plane, literally no one recognized me!! I was 163 lbs thinner!!! I can still remember the looks on peoples faces when they realized it was me!! It was just the attention this starving fat chic needed!!
Sadly, being home didn't fix my eating disorder. In fact, it got worse. I began taking laxatives every time I would consume anything!!! I could/can tell you the best ones to take. the ones that work the fastest and when to take them in the course of your meal or day to get the best and fastest results. I WAS now a Anorexic, Bulimic, Fat chic trapped in a skinny body! I had a problem that I knew I needed to fix. But I really didn't want to fix!!
Then September 27, 2003 I started dating my husband. We had known each other for years and we good friends. So he already knew about the disorders. Once we started dating, one evening, with my permission, he took my laxatives and flushed them down the toilet!! At that moment, I determined to stay skinny the healthy way.
I had no idea what my body was in for next!!! I had taken the laxatives for so long that my body was dependent on them. It got to the point that I was unable to "go" without the assistance of some sort of laxative or enema. By the end of the day my belly would be so distended, I looked like I was 7 months preggers. I was ILL!!!
Thankfully, my doctor is awesome!! I was able to be VERY candid with him about my issues. He was able to prescribe to some OTC meds to get things back in working order again!! So after almost 2 years of laxative dependency, I was finally able to relieve myself with their help!! However, even now 8 years later, I STILL have residual issues from time to time!!
Then September 27, 2003 I started dating my husband. We had known each other for years and we good friends. So he already knew about the disorders. Once we started dating, one evening, with my permission, he took my laxatives and flushed them down the toilet!! At that moment, I determined to stay skinny the healthy way.
I had no idea what my body was in for next!!! I had taken the laxatives for so long that my body was dependent on them. It got to the point that I was unable to "go" without the assistance of some sort of laxative or enema. By the end of the day my belly would be so distended, I looked like I was 7 months preggers. I was ILL!!!
Thankfully, my doctor is awesome!! I was able to be VERY candid with him about my issues. He was able to prescribe to some OTC meds to get things back in working order again!! So after almost 2 years of laxative dependency, I was finally able to relieve myself with their help!! However, even now 8 years later, I STILL have residual issues from time to time!!
Are ya bored yet!?!? Cause I'm only to 2005....
Fast forward 2006, I had maintained my weight loss, for about 3 years at this point. Then around August of 2006, I randomly began to start gaining weight. I'm not talking a pound here a pound there. I'm talking I would walk up daily to POUNDS gained. Nothing in my lifestyle had changed. My clothes began to not fit, almost weekly, sometimes, daily!! So I went to the doctor. He began to run some tests. August. September. October. November. December. January. February. March. Finally in March, I'm at my breaking point. I've not gone from 105 lbs to 250 lbs. That's right 145 lbs in 8 months!! When I went back to my doctor, he was dumbfounded!!!
Long story short, I had thyroid cancer!!! Apparently, the labs never sent the results to my doctor. Therefore, he thought that there was nothing to to worry about. So, June 4, 2007 I had my thyroid removed. It took them almost a year to get my thyroid hormones regulated by use of Synthroid. During that time, I managed to gain an additional 40 lbs. Getting me back up to my top weight of around 290 lbs.
Once they finally got my level regulated, I began to drop the weight!! Within no time I was down to 180 lbs....and holding!! And holding....holding...holding......I held there from mid 2009 to this past September!
This past September, I FINALLY had my AAH HA moment, I guess. I was dress shopping for my best friends wedding, which wasn't til December. I found the perfect dress and went ahead and purchased it. I was determined to not gain any weight between then and December. So I just decided to kind of cut back a little bit on my portion sizes. That's it, I didn't wanna get TOO crazy!! But all the sudden, I was loosing weight! There had been a couple of times over the past 3 years I had lost 5 maybe 10 pounds, but I could NEVER break past 169 lbs. Until, one in November, I got on the scale and it said 168.4!!! HOLY MILK AND CHEESE BALLS!!!! What was once just a dream, to break 169 lbs was now my PAST!!! Granted by only 0.6 lbs, BUT STILL!!! Instead of my goal to maintain 180 lbs for the wedding, I was now shooting to make it to 160 lbs! By late November, early December, I had made that goal just a memory also!! When I left for the wedding on December 13, I was at 155 lbs!! I felt good!! Proud!! I had lost weight, THE RIGHT WAY!!!
My doctor and I back in 2008, had set a weight goal for my at 150 lbs. When we originally made that goal, I figured I would NEVER see that number on the scale, at least not representing me! But now, flying across America, I could see that as an attainable goal!!
I am proud to say, I have made it through that wedding, Christmas, New Years, my daughters and my husbands birthdays, Easter and countless other gorging, pack on the pounds opportunities successfully!! I haven't had sugar since Christmas. Fried food since...September!?! Processed food since...??? I still go out to restaurants, I'm just THAT person who orders off the kids menu and still changes the majority of everything. I eat off a salad plate at EVERY meal.
Sitting here typing now, I am VERY blessed to say I am down to 127 lbs!!! So, I'm at a former fat chic, who DOES know, all too well, about the struggles of being fat!! That's why I started this blog! I want to impart some of my learned wisdom to you!!!
So enough for now.... Stay tuned for some Yummy recipes!!!!
Long story short, I had thyroid cancer!!! Apparently, the labs never sent the results to my doctor. Therefore, he thought that there was nothing to to worry about. So, June 4, 2007 I had my thyroid removed. It took them almost a year to get my thyroid hormones regulated by use of Synthroid. During that time, I managed to gain an additional 40 lbs. Getting me back up to my top weight of around 290 lbs.
Once they finally got my level regulated, I began to drop the weight!! Within no time I was down to 180 lbs....and holding!! And holding....holding...holding......I held there from mid 2009 to this past September!
This past September, I FINALLY had my AAH HA moment, I guess. I was dress shopping for my best friends wedding, which wasn't til December. I found the perfect dress and went ahead and purchased it. I was determined to not gain any weight between then and December. So I just decided to kind of cut back a little bit on my portion sizes. That's it, I didn't wanna get TOO crazy!! But all the sudden, I was loosing weight! There had been a couple of times over the past 3 years I had lost 5 maybe 10 pounds, but I could NEVER break past 169 lbs. Until, one in November, I got on the scale and it said 168.4!!! HOLY MILK AND CHEESE BALLS!!!! What was once just a dream, to break 169 lbs was now my PAST!!! Granted by only 0.6 lbs, BUT STILL!!! Instead of my goal to maintain 180 lbs for the wedding, I was now shooting to make it to 160 lbs! By late November, early December, I had made that goal just a memory also!! When I left for the wedding on December 13, I was at 155 lbs!! I felt good!! Proud!! I had lost weight, THE RIGHT WAY!!!
My doctor and I back in 2008, had set a weight goal for my at 150 lbs. When we originally made that goal, I figured I would NEVER see that number on the scale, at least not representing me! But now, flying across America, I could see that as an attainable goal!!
I am proud to say, I have made it through that wedding, Christmas, New Years, my daughters and my husbands birthdays, Easter and countless other gorging, pack on the pounds opportunities successfully!! I haven't had sugar since Christmas. Fried food since...September!?! Processed food since...??? I still go out to restaurants, I'm just THAT person who orders off the kids menu and still changes the majority of everything. I eat off a salad plate at EVERY meal.
Sitting here typing now, I am VERY blessed to say I am down to 127 lbs!!! So, I'm at a former fat chic, who DOES know, all too well, about the struggles of being fat!! That's why I started this blog! I want to impart some of my learned wisdom to you!!!
So enough for now.... Stay tuned for some Yummy recipes!!!!
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| 1998 |
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| 1999 |
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| 2009 Smaller moments in time |
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| The Hubs and me July 2012 |
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| The Bestie and me Dec 2012 |
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| Most recent Feb 2013 |
Love this Ash. Glad you shared. Ive never gotten down to my goal but I have experienced large gains and losses also. I know I will meet my goal eventually and you are very inspiring. Keep the posts and recipes coming. My biggest struggle is trying to feed my family and myself. I have picky eaters including my husband. I have the most success when I just make myself something separate but that isnt realistic long term so I have been working the past year on portion control. It is a lot slower results but it is working. I have also recently decided to give up aspartame, so it gets even harder. I am excited to read your posts, so keep them coming. I have always dreamed about doing something like this one day also. I am so proud of you!!! Love you.
ReplyDeleteSarah,
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting!! I totally understand your frustration. Have you ever heard of emeals.com? It has been a God send, literally!! I would encourage you to check into the site.
I would also get your Thyroid checked. I mean THOROUGHLY checked!! If your Thyroid hormones are out of whack then it's going to make it very difficult to lose weight.
Keep it up!! I know it can get discouraging! But it is so rewarding!!
You had better be ready for one heck of a bear hug that I am going to give u the next time I see u! I am so grateful for your blog, and I am so amazingly proud of you for overcoming past labels to become the person God says you are. Love you ash!
ReplyDeleteAWW Thanks Lea!!! I'm always ready for a hug!! As I read your comment, I am reminded and comforted by two separate passages from the Bible.
DeleteThe first passage is 2 Corinthians 4:8-10(NIRV):
'We are pushed hard from all sides. But we are not beaten down. We are bewildered. But that doesn't make us lose hope. 9 Others make us suffer. But God does not desert us. We are knocked down. But we are not knocked out. 10 We always carry around the death of Jesus in our bodies. In that way, the life of Jesus can be shown in our bodies.'
The second is 1 Corinthians 10:13(NIRV):
'You are tempted in the same way all other human beings are. God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted any more than you can take. But when you are tempted, God will give you a way out so that you can stand up under it.'
Though we are pushed down and tempted, those of us in Christ, ARE NOT desert by God! He promises to give us a way out of both persecution AND temptation!! He suffered both!! Hallelujah!!
My prayer is that my journey can encourage just one! Not my name but HIS name be praised in my life and in my legacy!!
Hey Ash!! I will say it is a little difficult to read what you wrote...especially about the bullying. We have been friends for so long and I never knew that. I want to say, that I NEVER saw you as some fat chick...I saw you as you! I saw your talent, laughter, loyality, compassion, etc... On the upside of this post, I look at your pictures and do take a double look ~ almost always out of concern. BUT reading this post from hundreds of miles away, I can look at those pictures in a different light! I like that you have started a blog...and I will try to stop by often. Love you!
ReplyDeleteBTW, you have always been beautiful!
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